Faith or Fear

When I was five years old, my great-grandmother, Mammy, died. Even at the young age of five, we had been very close. We stayed with her a lot when my parents went on trips, and she was one of my favorite people. When she died, I finally figured out she was never coming back, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I can remember crying and crying, then sobbing and sobbing. One of my favorite people on the planet, gone.... forever.

This started my religious quest, even at this young age. I wanted to know where she went and if I'd ever get to see her again. And I wanted to make sure that happened. It also started a huge fear of death, since I didn't understand it, or understand God, or anything spiritual. My parents were not religious at all, and did not go to church. I think, in retrospect, they didn't understand it all either, but chose not to go digging. I bought lots of books on all the world's religions and studied each one to understand what each taught. And I played with the Ouiji board with my friends a lot in junior high. I then came to understand that there is a real spiritual world, and there are good and bad powers. After playing with the Ouiji board a lot, I felt what I now know were demonic spirits bothering me. I would stand in the corner and hum loud, and when my mom and sister asked what I was doing, I answered that I was trying to drown out the voices.

My mother finally remembered her Baptist upbringing, and said, "Don't you know Jesus is more powerful than anything else?" That hit me like a ton of bricks too. So, once I got this in my head, I gave it all over to Jesus in junior high. And the voices stopped. The demons left.

As I continue to grow in my PERSONAL relationship with my Father (God), we continue to get closer and closer and more intimate. And the closer I get to Him, the less I fear death. The Bible has a lot more references about hell than it does heaven. We just don't know THAT much about it. And that's scary. But what I DO know is that when you get really, really close to Jesus, then the fear starts to leave. You trust Him implicitly, and You know that He will keep His word. He will come back for you. He will be with you forever. And it will be wonderful.

He promised.